Tanja: *writing a letter* Dear Santa, I know you’re busy this time of the year, but I thought I should warn you not to eat the cookies that Klar made. The man can’t cook to save his life, much less bake.
Aurym: Ahem... Vampire, what do you suppose Klarivence likes about me?
Tanja: For the millionth time, I have a name!
Aurym: Three hundred sixteenth time, vampire.
Tanja: Whatever! Would it kill you to address me properly?
Aurym: That is irrelevant. Answer my question.
Tanja: How the hell should I know? I’m not Klar.
Aurym: I can see that, vampire.
Tanja: FOR THE MILLIONTH-
Aurym: Three hundred eighteenth-
Tanja: ALL RIGHT! I GET IT!
Aurym: Hmph. Well, aren’t you %@#$ing useless.
Tanja: ...
Aurym: The two of you look relatively similar. Naturally, the two of you should have similar tastes.
Tanja: Uh, no.
Aurym: That I can clearly see.
Tanja: What an accurate observation, Mr. Obvious. *rolling her eyes*
Aurym: Clearly, a female Klarivence would be of a higher level than you.
Tanja: What the hell?! You did NOT just go there.
Aurym: Hell yes, I did. She’d be far more elegant and classier than you.
Tanja: Oh yeah? You’d still be her *****!
Aurym: YOU!
[ ONE HOUR LATER ]
Aurym: She wouldn’t have any of those %@#$ing useless things on her chest at all!
Tanja: Uh... so a female Klar would pretty much be Klar minus his-
Aurym: Female Attendants lay eggs. They have no use for those... those useless things.
Tanja: Uh... right...
[ TWO HOURS LATER ]
Tanja: YOUR MOM!
Aurym: What about her?
Tanja: Never mind..
Aurym: That’s what I thought.
[ FIVE HOURS LATER ]
Aurym: And you know what? There’s no such thing as Santa. The only things in the North Pole are snow, ice, polar bears, and seals. No elves, no workshop, NO @#$%ING SANTA!
Tanja: *gasps* YOU TAKE THAT BACK! HE SO EXISTS!
Aurym: No.
[ MUCH LATER SOMEWHERE ELSE ]
Klar: Time for bed, little one.
His Majesty: *squeaking angrily*
* His Majesty will sleep when He so wishes!
Tanja: KLAR!
Aurym: KLARIVENCE!
Klar: Hmmm?
Tanja: Why don’t you help us end this little disagreement?
Aurym: Without a doubt, I’m correct.
Klar: What would I look like if I were a woman?
Klar: Well.. perhaps similar to Tanja, except they’d be larger and more shapely?
Aurym and Tanja: *face palm*
End!~
